So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
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Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
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He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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