oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
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he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Shame is for Republicans.
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