Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize