I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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