apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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