I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize