Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
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It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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