The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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