matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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