ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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