I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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