I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
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I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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