So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
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I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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