like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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