So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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