Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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