apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
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well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
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Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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