Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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