ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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