Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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