someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize