Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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