i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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