We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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