well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
When did angry sex become our thing?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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