Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
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Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
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I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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