My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Come see our sink grown plant.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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