It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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