if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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