Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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