don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
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The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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