I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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