her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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