I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize