Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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