what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
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Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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