I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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