Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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