Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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