God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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