Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We need a shit load of segways right now
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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