Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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