Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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