If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
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Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize