if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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