You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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