I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize