please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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