I'm lost and stupid without you.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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