I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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